Classroom Quotes

One of the ways I acclimate new hires to my classroom is to have them read the classroom quote book. It is a composition book where all classroom staff right down the funny things that are said in the room. Today a new staff made it to the four day mark (hurray!) so she was handed the book to read. Every time she laughed aloud we asked which one she was on. Here are some of our favorites:

Teacher: Tell me one whale fact.
Student: Don't call me whale fat!

Student one: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Student two: Oh my gosh, he's gonna pop!

Teacher: You drew the word surprised. Show me a surprised face.
Student: (Pantomimes entering a room and turning on a light - like a surprise party.) Surprise! What the hell?!

Teacher: (At the end of a thirty minute lesson on the dangers of drugs) What do you say to drugs?
Student: Please?

Student: I did it! I did it!
Teacher: You did what?
Student: I did my fart in the bathroom like you said!

Student: I did it!
Teacher: You did what?
Student: I said a polite word in the community.
Teacher: Great job!
Student: We don't touch girls in community right?
Teacher: That's right we don't touch girls in the community.
Another customer at the store: Laughing. Men are really all the same aren't they?

Student: (Age 19, in wheelchair, parked near toaster oven during cooking group.) Holy cow, it's like I am having hot flashes over here!

Teacher: What kind of music will there be?
Student: Bon Jovi.
Teacher: The DJ will play Bon Jovi?
Student: (Gives teacher that you're-so-dumb look.) Jon's coming.

Background: The year this happened we had a paraprofessional who was a little off her rocker, she was happy to admit this.
Teacher: Who is crazier, me or the speech therapist? Point to who is crazier.
Student: (Students whips head around, raises arm and points beyond the teacher and the speech to the paraprofessional, laughing so hard she started sputtering.)